Battle of the Beechos

Not many beechos survived the Arenal Massacre of 2006. The benevolent rule of Queen Deneene ended the morning of February 23 when she awoke to find hundreds upon hundreds of little green and gold beetles swarming her castle, moat, doors, screens, porch lights, plants, doormats, floors, furniture, and food, their hard-shelled bodies tucked into corners and crevices, their antennae twitching, their sticky-haired legs scurrying, their wings spread in precarious and undirected flight. The sympathetic sentiment that had secured their existence in her kingdom was hastily abandoned upon the realization that her coexistence with these creatures demanded more tolerance than she could bestow and more inconvenience than she was willing to accept. The revelation of their swarming and parasitic nature and their blatant attack on the queen’s domicile (and person) incited a grand rebellion from within the castle walls.

With stout boots, a stiff broom, a roll of paper towels, and two full bottles of bleach and Simple Green, the queen and her ward Wilder waged a heretofore unprecedented attack on the beecho population. The unsuspecting bugs hid, squirmed, scuttled, took to the air, and feigned death trying to escape their annihilation, but no less than 200 of these pests were felled under the establishment’s efforts. Que lastima. It was not a proud moment in the queen’s history, but if it their deaths were not secured, her insanity surely would be.

Yet her superiority was only momentarily realized, for that night the beechos returned en masse in a vengeful claim of their unlawful spot in her territory. With the unfathomable determination of a plague of locusts, the beechos thickened the air and reestablished their community on the outskirts and inskirts of the queen’s abode. The war had officially begun. The beechos assaulted the queen’s lair with new aplomb, careening out of the darkness, pelting light bulbs, and dive-bombing anything that was unfortunate enough to be in their path. The queen brought forth a new weapon, La Aspiradora, and spent the good part of an hour sucking them out of the air, off table and countertops, from behind cushions, and up from the floor. Peace was once again established in the kingdom and the lords and ladies slept much better that night, knowing that even if they were not safe from the consequences of their karma, they were at least safe from further attack – until the next day anyway.

The battle of the beechos still continues, but with much less aggression. A certain amount of mutual coexistence has developed between the queen and these unwelcomed minions, though the animosity that incited the war in the first place still exists. Time will tell how relations between the queendom and the beecho population will progress.


Ode to the Beecho

Beechos flying through the air
Beechos crawling in my hair
Beechos in my underwear
Beechos, beechos everywhere.

Beechos taking over night
Beechos in aggressive flight
Beechos possessed by the light
Beechos, beechos, what a sight.

Beechos hiding in my shoe
Beechos stick to me like glue
Beechos I do not like you
Beechos, beechos what to do?

Beechos marring night and day
Beechos you are in the way
Beechos you just cannot stay
Beechos, beechos go away!