Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?! Over.

Has it already been 2 months? Crazy. Time continues to unravel like so much broken fishing wire. I still do not take this house and this town and my fabulous freaky northern California neighbors and friends for granted. And neither have I quieted the slight unrest in my heart that kicks up dust in mourning for the self-same that we left behind in Costa Rica.

"What the hell were we thinking?!"

I think this about coming back. I think this about ever going in the first place.

As we put the pieces of our life back into place (which over the years has changed from a 5-piece kindergarten diversion into an advanced thousand-part jigsaw), I know they will never fit together in quite the same way again. And that’s OK, it’s all part of the process (blah blah blickety blah positive thinking). But, honestly, I don’t really know how I feel about it all. I’m looking back, but the vision isn’t quite yet 20/20, so it’s hard to put it all into perspective. The experience is too raw, the examining too personal. Indeed, the unexamined life is not worth living, but now that I’m trying to apply the good ol’ Socratic method, I have to ask myself, was it worth it? This is what everyone else keeps asking, what inquiring minds want to know: Was it worth it?

Some days I can reply an immediate, undeniable, “Yes!” Other days, I may make a scrunchy face, look somewhere beyond the circle of conversation, and simply shrug my shoulders. Some days I’m on the verge of saying no, but I don’t have to say anything because someone answers the question for me: “Well, of course it was worth it, right? I mean, what an experience. You’ll never have to wonder what-if!” That’s what people want to hear. What people want to believe. I don’t know if I say “yes” because it’s what's expected or because it’s what I really feel. I could never say, “No.” It’s devastating, disheartening, disillusioning – for me and the other person. People don’t want to hear and I don’t want to admit that we ravaged our entire lives to go live in a tropical country for two years and it wasn’t even worth the trouble. They for sure don’t want to hear that it completely stripped us down to the bare bones on every level of our lives and that we are rebuilding it like Rome, one day at a time (but the energy it takes to do so can be elusive and the materials are so damn expensive)!

But, really, I know what you’re thinking. OK, then – tell us now, for real -- was it worth it? Well, I can honestly say -- Yes. … No. … Maybe. … Definitely one of those.